Why I learned to shower in 4 minutes flat

I have a busy family. We are involved in many different activities that keep us running and, therefore, sweaty. We also have an old house with only one shower. With two adults, a teen and a tween, this is starting to become an issue. At least we have a very effective hot water heater, because some of us are not quite as judicious with our shower time as others.

My children and I were discussing this issue the other evening. There was some comment about how it’s not normal that I can be completely showered in four minutes, at which point I had to explain that this was not always the norm.

At one time, I was a normal person. I slept until the alarm went off. I made and then ate my breakfast, while it was still hot. I took my time in the shower.

Then, I had kids.

I explained to my first born how this changed the most basic things in life, like using the bathroom, for any reason. The first time I was left alone with my newborn (when he was three days old) I held him in my arms and just stared at him. After several minutes of blinking nervously, I started to think about the implications of what my husband and I had done and I began to panic.

How was I supposed to make food with one hand? How was I supposed to eat food with one hand? Jesus, Mary and Joseph, how was I going to pee?

Saturdays became the only day that I could shave both legs. In theory, anyway. Because Brian was home to “help.” There is no disappointment like that of stepping into a wonderfully hot shower and then, only seconds later, to have your baby screaming at the door.

Brian would bring my wailing newborn into the bathroom and tell me, “he’s crying.”

Really? Thanks. I’m so glad you cleared that up.

So with shampoo in my eyes, one shaven leg and – because biology dictates that a mother respond to her crying baby by releasing hormones that produce milk – breastmilk streaming down my body, I would haphazardly dry off, throw on a robe and grab my sobbing child.

As the kids aged, it got easier to shower, but only marginally. In fact, the only thing worse than a screaming infant is a quiet toddler. They could be doing anything. For example, they could be standing on the kitchen counter, leaning against an open window. Or, maybe getting him or herself a cold drink. From the dog’s water dish.

I explained all of this to my laughing children as I prepared to hop in the shower after my workout. A few minutes later, I was lathering up my shampoo when the first knock came on the bathroom door.

“Uh, mom? Do you know what was in the freezer that was chopped up and green?”

We grow our own food, including a large variety of herbs, which we often preserve in the freezer.

“You’ll have to be more specific.”

“It kind of looks like catnip but it can’t be because the cat’s won’t eat it.”

“Why are the cats in the freezer?”

“Oh, they’re not. The bag opened and spilled out on the kitchen floor. Don’t worry though, it’s not much.”

“Well, I can’t identify it from the shower, but no matter what, I’m not reusing it off the floor so just clean it up.”

“Now?”

“Yes, now.”

There was a short pause and then the child was gone. Before I could get the conditioner worked through to the ends, the second knock came from the other child.

“I just want to warn you that it’s a bigger mess than you were told. Please don’t kill us.”

“Clean it up.”

“And the bag spilled inside the freezer, too.”

“Fix this.”

“Yea, um, we’re working on that.”

For the next few minutes, I could hear them shouting at one another. Over the sound of the shower. And the vacuum. I could also hear the beeping sound that the freezer makes when it’s open too long, 11 minutes too long.

There were accusations and admonitions. There was screaming and the sound of dishes clanking.

And they wonder why I only take three minute showers.

Eventually, it quieted down. No beeping, no shouting, no barking dogs. I reemerged to find them sitting quietly, eating ice cream. The unidentified herbs were (almost) completely cleaned up, the vacuum was (nearly) put away, and the freezer was even closed. I had some questions, but decided I didn’t really want the answers. It was almost 9 p.m. and if the freezer was still filled with loose herbs, I had absolutely no intention of cleaning it up.

At least I had two clean-shaven legs.

I feel like there have been too many times in my adult life that I’ve had to hurry out of the shower with shampoo left in my hair. Luckily, I found a great recipe for homemade shampoo that doesn’t burn my eyes (that much) and is cheap and easy to make. It’s a Wellness Mama (http://wellnessmama.com/3701/homemade-shampoo/) combination and in case you haven’t figured it out yet, I kind of love her. I share her stuff all the time. Make this one. You’ll be glad you did.

Homemade Shampoo Ingredients

¼ cup coconut milk (homemade or canned)
1/4 cup Liquid Castille Soap like Dr. Bronners
20 drops of Essential Oils of choice (I’ve used peppermint, lavender, rosemary and orange or combinations of those)
For dry hair: add ½ tsp olive or almond oil (optional)

How to Make Homemade Shampoo

Combine all ingredients in an old shampoo bottle or jar of some kind (pump soap dispensers and even foaming dispensers work well for this. If you use a foaming dispenser, add 1/4 cup of distilled water)
Shake well to mix.
Keep in shower for up to a month.
Shake before each use.
Use about a teaspoon every time you shampoo.
If you use a foaming dispenser, it also makes a great shaving cream- just dilute with 1/4 cup distilled water!
Note: Some people find that a 50:50 mixture of apple cider vinegar and water used as a rinse helps get hair cleaner and increases shine.

Laurie Nigro, a mother of two, is passionate about her family, her community, and natural living. Laurie resides in downtown Riverhead and is co-founder of the River and Roots Community Garden on West Main Street.

 
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