I hate this time of year. A lot. No, I’m not a weather complainer. I did not spend the entire winter whining about the cold to now turn around and make snide comments about the warmth and humidity. After all, I am a New Yorker, through and through, and am prepared for, and even crave, the ups and downs of late spring weather.
No, what I hate about this time of year is the end-of-the-school-year festivities, parties, field days and trips, recitals, awards nights, talent shows and other bits of revelry. I’m not a grinch. OK, maybe I’m a little bit of a grinch. But while my kids are basking in the glory that comes with 10 months worth of hard work and dedication, I’m running around like a freaking chicken without a head.
How is one person supposed to keep track of the extra rehearsals, costume inventory, permission slips, calendar changes and good lord: the tickets. Which ones are for which event? Where are the ones that I just bought? If the puppy ate them I swear I’ll reach down his throat and pull them back out. How am I still expected to function as a mother, wife and employee? I’d like to answer, “by drinking,” but that seems cliche. And way too honest.
Additionally, it’s wedding season, baby season and graduation season, too. What do you get when you mix one groom, three graduates and a few pregnant women? A bizarre cocktail of homemade diaper cream and oversized envelopes full of cash. I just hope that if I hand my newly married cousin a box of cloth diapers and breast shields on his wedding day, he’ll ignore the crazed look in my eye and just say “thank you.”
Did I mention that it’s also gardening season? Though I am a reluctant gardener and, for the most part, my contribution is limited to extensive manual labor, I am super proud of the homestead we’ve created. So it seemed a logical step to join a Facebook homesteading forum. Or as my husband likes to call it, a cult.
I decided to share a photo of our little garden haven with this group. Like I said, I’m proud of all our hard work and the moderator asked us to post photos, share experiences and otherwise support and encourage one another. Within hours, there were more then 30 likes and the comments just keep popping up.
“I didn’t know you could grow kiwis on Long Island.”
“Can you tell me about your fruits?”
“Where did you get your solar panels and how was the experience?”
All of a sudden, I found myself staying up past bedtime, answering each question. Like a junkie who needs just one more, “OMG, don’t buy berries! They multiply like wet gremlins. I’ll dig some up and you can have them. PM me for contact info.”
Then I let slip, “BTW, horseradish plants for free.”
“I’ll trade you eggs for horseradish,” was one answer.
“I’ll take horseradish. LMK when I can pick it up,” replies a total stranger. She could even be a mass murderer. But at 4 a.m., when no normal person is awake, she and I are emailing back and forth. It feels clandestine, and a little dirty.
I even imagine it in whispered voices, “I’ll take some boysenberry. How many are you getting rid of?”
“How big is the area you’re putting them in? You have to be careful with this stuff. Every plant will give five more the next year. We have so many at the community garden that I pull them and throw them out.”
“Tell me more about this community garden,” and then I’m emailing applications for a plot at River and Roots and giving a possible serial killer my home address.
It might be time to step away from the cult and remember that during this season from hell, my kids still need to eat. We’ve had to make some compromises on full scale meals and try something easier, like tuna-melt night. Though the tuna has to be line caught and arrive at my home in a BPA free can, it’s still quicker then cooking. Even when I have to make the mayonaise first.
I can’t stand mayonaise, but it’s kind of a necessity for tuna salad. For years, I spent something like $5 an ounce for organic mayo. Thankfully, we all hate it so it lasted a longtime. However, when I finally took a look at the label, I was embarrassed that I was paying top dollar for a jar of gelatinous sludge that has only four ingredients and takes minutes to come together. Ditch the store bought and add this to your repertoire. From La Leche League International’s cookbook, Whole Foods for the Whole Family.
Blender Mayonaise
2 eggs, room temperature
2 tablespoons vinegar
1/4 tsp. salt
1 1/4 cup oil (olive, sunflower, etc)
Put eggs, vinegar and salt in blender and mix on high speed for 1 minute. Gradually add oil until mayo reaches desired consistency. Store in an airtight container in the fridge.
How do you cope with end-of-year insanity? Let me know at laurie@riverheadlocal.com.
The survival of local journalism depends on your support.
We are a small family-owned operation. You rely on us to stay informed, and we depend on you to make our work possible. Just a few dollars can help us continue to bring this important service to our community.
Support RiverheadLOCAL today.