Om-School: Learning by living

Om is the sound of life, the infinite vibration that echoes through the Universe and perpetuates life. Om is the continuum that begins before the beginning and will continue beyond the end, a constant which unifies time and existence. It makes the abstract more tangible and the brings the mind beyond what is explained physically. It unites what was, what is and what could potentially be. It is the eternal symbol containing the cycle of birth, life and death. It is the purifier, which allows for peaceful reflection and awakens intuitive energy.
~~
Friday would have been my mother’s 59th birthday. We celebrated her life by singing and clapping over Italian cheesecake and blowing out only one candle as a symbol of the ultimate influence in all of our lives.

Suah was a true educator who valued the learning potential in every experience. She helped us watch our daughter, Isabella, in her early years and instilled a love of learning from the start. She would drive three hours from the Jersey Shore to Long Island on Sunday night, and stay with us until Thursday so that my husband could work and I could finish my residency training. We called my mom “chemo cowgirl” because she had more energy on chemo than most humans do without.

Every interaction with Isabella was a chance for Suah to teach something. We all rolled our eyes and laughed not-so-quietly at her when she would describe onomatopoeia to a 6-month-old or when she would let her “help” make breakfast because the comprehensive sensory experience of smell and taste would help her learn more about her world. Walks in her heirloom pram turned into full-on whole-body experiences where they would listen to the leaves, imitate the birds, feel the sun’s warmth, singing and clapping all along. Bathtime was time to learn not only about hygiene and cleanliness but also about opposites; hot/cold, in/out, up/down. And every day was a day for music and dancing. She would teach tempo, movement, rhythm, expression all to a toddler who saw and felt every detailed aspect of her universe.

My mother spent the last five years of her life making our children smile, enriching their lives and allowing me to relive my childhood experiences with the perfect parent. I re-observed her, this time as an adult, as a mother, who wants for my children what she wanted for me. She made my husband and me reconsider our goals for our children – how do we want them to see their world? What kind of values do we want to instill? Which behaviors do we need to modify so that we will be the models we want them to have? Who do we want teaching them? What do we want them to learn?

Isabella was in pre-kindergarten when my mother died in early 2012. This traumatic loss early in her life led us to many debates and discussions, reading and research, about how we would handle her going back to school. She was anxious, afraid and asked a lot of questions we weren’t sure how to answer. She didn’t want to get on the bus, she didn’t want to leave my side. “If your mother died, is MY mother going to die?” “Why did Suah have to get sick?” “Did Suah die because she was bald?”
We decided that we would homeschool her for kindergarten and try to help her regain her confidence and renew her desire to explore. o us, that didn’t mean locked-down and without socialization. We jokingly called it Om-School because she was learning by living.

For this last year, she felt that underlying energy, vibration, force that makes things go, that colors her world, that helps her emote and make memories. Of course, her little brother Lance came along and had a blast all the while. They not only learned but developed and acquired experiences which their bodies and souls will remember, that will become part of their very nature. They were without the constraints of an alarm clock, or negative feedback, or criticism, or structure that would hinder their impulse to explore.

This year, Isabella is ready to return to the classroom. She completed the kindergarten curriculum twice and is eagerly anticipating first grade. Lance wouldn’t have her sister go it alone, so he’ll ride beside her with his big boy backpack heading off the pre-kindergarten.

As back-to-school looms near, we have the opportunity to take a look at what we want for our children. If you’ve been reading the column you know that I love bulleted lists, so below is our wish list for our children’s educational experience. I encourage you to write your own and refer to it often, remembering that their understanding of information and application of concepts may occur formally in a classroom, but the majority of their life will be spent away from a structured educational environment. Every moment in or out of school is an opportunity to grow in learning and love.

Are you and your family accomplishing everything you would like to accomplish? Are you doing it happily and fully or are you just going through the motions? Are you organizing your day to allow yourselves time to feel the grass underfoot, or run through the sprinklers or really celebrate the holidays as they were intended to be enjoyed?

Our children’s Om-School life experience is guided by the following simple wish list:

• We want a peaceful home in which they can develop without fear of judgment.
• We want our children to grow into compassionate, empathetic adults.
• We want them to respect the Earth and all living things.
• We want them to delight in good food, friendship and conversation.
• We want them to build the foundation for a healthy lifestyle so they may share many long years with their loved ones.
• We want them to value the minutia – the tiny details that enliven otherwise meaningless things and situations.
• We want them to surround themselves with natural beauty and experiences – watch clouds move, hear birds sing, be one with the ocean waves.
• We want them to know and feel true love so that they may offer it and receive it in return.
• We want them to travel the world.
• We want them to see the goodness in people and cultivate goodness in humanity.
• We want them to always be righteous and true to their hearts.
• We want them to gain experiences that will make them great story-tellers but will also give them the wisdom to be great listeners.
• We want them to play instruments and make beautiful music.
• We want them to dance and sing wildly like children so love to do.
• We want them to not only learn concepts but be able to apply them.
• We want them to be good homemakers, supportive spouses, loving parents and hard workers.
• We want them to work passionately to create noble careers.
• We want them to reject violence, bigotry, hatred.
• We want them to know their history and their heritage so that they may honor those who made their world possible.
• We want to give them the wings they need to fly the coop and the roots that will always bring them home.
• We want them to develop a love of learning that keeps them as perpetual students, for true education is the constant pursuit of knowledge not the absolute acquisition of it.

Sounds like a lot to wish for – but we’re going to give it a go hoping to live up to Suah’s legacy of a love for learning (and alliteration)!

Alexis Hugelmeyer, D.O. is the wife of Michael, mother of Isabella, 5, and Lance, 3, and a family physician whose passion is hands-on manipulation for treatment and healing of any and every type of medical problem. She is the director of community outreach education at Peconic Bay Medical Center and also a private practitioner in Riverhead, where she has founded The Suah Center for Natural Healthcare. A graduate of Villanova University and New York College of Osteopathic Medicine, she lives in Baiting Hollow.