On anniversary of fatal Flanders Road crash, people asked to ‘pay it forward’
in memory of Barbara Tocci

Next Friday will mark one long, grief-filled year since a tragic head-on accident took the life of longtime Flanders resident Barbara Tocci, 47, on Flanders Road.

And, in a nod to her giving, generous heart, the Tocci family will host a memorial prayer service celebrating her life and her dedication to helping others on January 16, the anniversary of her death. The service will be held at noon at the Flanders Cemetery, and will focus not on sorrow, but instead, on spreading kindness in her name, the victim’s sister Susan Tocci, said yesterday.

To that end, the Toccis, who have created a Facebook page, “Barbara Tocci’s Random Acts of Kindness,” will hand out cards to those that attend the memorial prayer service. “Barbara lived a life full of Random Acts of Kindness while expecting nothing in return before she was killed tragically in a car accident on 1/16/14,” the card reads. “I give you this card to Pay it Forward so another can smile just as you smile now. Enjoy your day.”

“We will just hand everyone the cards and ask that everyone keep doing what she would be doing, if she were still here,” Tocci said. “An act of kindness — maybe paying for someone’s coffee, or bringing out someone’s trash. My sister was all about doing for other people, she always took care of everyone else. We’re asking everyone to do an act of kindness in her name.”

Tocci, who lived in Hampton Bays, was on her way to her job at a Riverhead title insurance agency just before 8 a.m. on Thursday, January 16. A southbound PSEG utility truck crossed into the northbound lane of traffic and hit her 2000 Ford Explorer head-on near the intersection of Spinney and Flanders roads, police said in a press release issued later that day.

The year since has been dark with sorrow. “It’s hell, that’s what it is,” Susan Tocci said. “I can’t even mention my sister’s name in front of my father in fear that he will burst out crying. He can’t get through a day,” she said.

Her voice laced with tears, Tocci said her sister’s death has had wide-reaching impacts, with all the children, nieces and nephews in the family mourning and some showing signs of anxiety and depression after the sudden loss.

Only three months after losing Barbara, the family faced another tragedy when Thomas Podlas, Barbara Tocci’s son, who lives in California, lost his fiancée Hayley Riggins in a motor vehicle accident with an allegedly drugged driver. Riggins left behind the couple’s infant daughter Kadence.

“We’re at our breaking point,” Tocci said. “People don’t realize how much this has affected everyone; it goes right down the line in our family. It isn’t fair. You can’t recoup.”

Each holiday since losing Barbara has brought fresh pain, Tocci said. “It’s not New Year’s; instead, it means only 16 days until Barbara will have been dead a year,” she said. “It was our first Thanksgiving without Barbara, our first Christmas. You don’t think the same way anymore.”

Solace is found in helping others and carrying on her sister’s legacy, Tocci said. “My sister did everything for everyone. My grandmother lived to be 98 and my sister was at her house before and after work.” And after their grandmother passed away, her sister cared for her employer, who’d had a stroke, she said.

“That’s how she was. If someone didn’t have groceries, she’d bring them,” Tocci said. “That’s why we’re trying to keep ‘Barbara Tocci’s Random Acts of Kindness’ going. She really was a giving person. She could never say no.”

All are invited to Barbara Tocci’s memorial service — and asked to spread kindness next Friday. “It doesn’t have to cost anything. We’re just asking that people do random acts of kindness — put a smile on somebody’s face,” Tocci said.

In August, about 100 motorcycles formed a caravan in a ride from Flanders to Hampton Bays and back in memory of Barbara and Hayley. The ride raised money for “Barbara Tocci’s Random Acts of Kindness” and East End Hospice’s “Camp Good Grief.” A donation was also made to support Tocci’s granddaughter, Kadence, Susan Tocci said.

And in July, Tocci had a billboard erected on her Flanders Road property, carrying the message “Save a Life: DO NOT TEXT & DRIVE” alongside a large image of her sister Barbara’s smiling face.

Beneath the warning is a simple memorial that reads, “Barbara Tocci 1966-2014.”

The police accident report lists use of a handheld cell phone by the PSEG utility truck driver as an “apparent contributing factor” in the fatal crash. “Defective pavement” was also an “apparent contributing factor” in the crash. The section of roadway where the crash occurred was riddled with crater-size potholes about which local residents had been complaining for some time, according to the town’s local Citizens Advisory Committee chairman Richard Naso. See prior story.

State highway crews responded on the afternoon of the crash to repair potholes in the crumbling roadway. The state began a complete repaving project of Flanders Road in October.

The PSEG driver, Michael Pepe, 53, of Bayport, has not been charged with any crime or issued any summonses. The investigation is still open, according to police.

Tocci said in July that an investigator with the Suffolk County district attorney’s office told the victim’s family they found evidence that the utility company worker was texting on his personal cell phone prior to the accident. That’s what inspired the billboard, she said.

Tocci dedicated a second billboard sign on Flanders Road to Hayley. It has a picture of Riggins and her daughter, with the message: “Kadence will grow up WITHOUT HER MOM. DO NOT DRIVE UNDER THE INFLUENCE. Hayley Riggins 1987-2014.”

“I just want to do whatever I can to spread the word about the dangers of texting while driving and driving under the influence,” Susan Tocci told RiverheadLOCAL in July.