Parenting

"Mommy, why does the ice cream man hate me?" A child's summertime pursuit of Mister Softee and the coveted White Whale.

'Read all instructions first,' read the warning. Lessons learned about overconfidence and assembling a 15-ft. trampoline's grease-coated parts on sandy ground in 87-degree weather.

Regents exams, dances, concerts, field trips, theater performances, field day, recitals, graduation ceremonies — and don't forget the three-hour talent show. Laurie Nigro on getting through the month of June.

The noise that seeps from between his lips is akin to exhaling and adding just a hint of volume. I would say it's most closely related to a snore, but with less thought attached to it.

Being an organic locavore foodie mom means entering a whole new world. But just look at the ingredients on that box of Cookie Crisp! And who puts guar gum in bouillon?

For what purpose does any normal person need three pairs of vice grips, two sets of jumper cables, strips of metal, piles of rags, a first aid kit and fish bait, preserved in some creepy liquid?

Pre-kids, getting ready for a gala event was an event unto itself: shopping, primping to music, applying makeup. Post kids, you're searching for the other shoe under the bed while a dog nibbles at your hair clip 20 minutes before you have to leave and you still haven't fed the kids.

You come home to harrowing tales of parenting, dad-style: the rock-climbing excursion where a child nearly fell to his death in Central Park, the kayak trip where the same child was, momentarily, misplaced and, more than once, broken bones. Then, of course, there's the mess.

Laurie's 13-year-old son sums up the experience: "The adrenaline rush caused by the intense social anxiety of that situation should be enough to cover my exercise needs for about a week."

Sometimes, it's 8:11 p.m., you're sliding the spatula under the last pancake-that-was-dinner in the skillet, the sink is full of dirty dishes and it's long past wine o'clock.